No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
