I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
