my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
