i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
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Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
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I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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