So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
should my penis look like a turkey
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
