Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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