Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
