You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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