I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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