She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Swine flu. Run for my life!
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
NoShamevember. You game?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
