U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
