you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
