I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
