Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
