Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize