Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
