There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
