U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
