Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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