we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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