The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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