Can i not drive my cunt home
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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