Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
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