you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
