im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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