When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
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