Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
