when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Randomize
