And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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