you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
