he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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