The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize