i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
