we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
