WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
