Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
