I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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