I molested 6 butterflies tonight
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
