I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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