He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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