My sheets look like a crime scene.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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