I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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