You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
