He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
