But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
