don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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