i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
