The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Randomize
