Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
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