My underwear smells like fireworks.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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