"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
