Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
