Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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