doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
