we made out on top of his cat.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
