You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
