her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
