next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
