Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
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