i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
