I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
