So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
