I met the friendliest cop last night
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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