Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
