how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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