Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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