im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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