Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Cover your peen. We're going out.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
