I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
