I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
