Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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