You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
