we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
