i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
