it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
