Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
meet me or not, i'm out of control
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
