just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
